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*settles into bed with blankets laptop headphones a drink and everything* ahh yes perfect. I have to pee.
Just woke up from three nightmares in a row and possibly my first run ins with sleep paralysis…not sleeping anymore tonight oh well. I’ve been on and off awake since like 3 am anyway
ugh this illegal copy i downloaded is of shitty quality
THIS IS NOT WHAT I DIDN’T PAY FOR.
first, he never once mentions using force, don't put words in a stranger's mouth. second, feminism promotes gender equality, and while subway seats are not exactly a real feminist issue, the comment was most likely meant to be taken lightly. but either way anyone has the right to a seat on public transportation. if you're a real feminist you should be focusing on real issues instead of nitpicking trivial comments like this man's...
"I’m not gonna hold back" is an implication of force, don’t be fucking obtuse.
SUBWAY SEATS ARE NOT A FEMINIST ISSUE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE 500 POSTS ABOUT WOMEN IN SUBWAY TRAINS HAVING TO HANDLE MEN FORCING THEM TO MAKE THEMSELVES SMALLER BY TAKING UP TWICE THE SPACE THEY NEED? Oh my god, if someone has a link to one of those posts handy, kick it my way, I will reblog.
This is not a “fake” issue, this is repeated “joke” that consciously or not continues an narrative of creating more occasions when its okay to be violent to women. It’s okay for me to hit a girl when I’d hit a guy, that’s equality, right?
(Answer: no. I mean usually I wouldn’t clarify but you are the type that might need it said.)
If that dude was joking, the “joke” was basically “so feminists want equality huh? fine, I’ll use my presumed superior physicality to get my way and see how they like it then.” Which is a joke the way bullies “joke” about being able to hurt you and take all your stuff if they want. Maybe they wouldn’t seriously do it, but they certainly believe they could do it if they wanted to, that they’re capable of it, and they’re letting you know it.
And I’m so sick of seeing guys react this way to feminist stuff because it’s basically “she’s asking for it.” They want to be able to hurt women in general, or be rude assholes, and then claim “well, women want EQUALITY RIGHT, so this is your own fault!”
And it’s not even equality. Men don’t beat each other up for subway seats (remembering a single instance where it happens doesn’t mean it’s a regular occurrence btw). In fact, my experience has been that men are more polite to other men. People who talk about chivalry remember the occasional case where they see a man give up a seat to a woman and because it fits the narrative they’ve been raised with, they file it away as proof. They ignore the many other situations where men take up space from women, and women are forced to accommodate them, which happens regularly. It’s one of those things men don’t think about it because they don’t live it daily.
Pre-transition, men treated me a lot less rudely than they do now, and it’s not like I’ve changed in size that much. It’s just now they perceive me as a slight Asian woman, and they don’t respect me or feel concerned about me being able to do anything to them. They walk into me on the street a lot more. As stated in other posts, women learn to have to give up space, to walk around people in crowds, because that space won’t be given to them, they won’t be given respect or accommodation, and men aren’t afraid of invading our personal space. A lot of men KNOW they’re intimidating to women and take advantage of it. They know that if they take up the arm rest, or push their legs out with 2 seats on either side, they’ll make us uncomfortable and we’ll give them the space. Pre-transition, men gave me room because they perceived me as a man. They respected my space generally, and if they were taking up 2 seats and I sat next to them, they’d shift over. Yeah, part of that is because men don’t like touching men. But that’s the point. Only people they perceive as men have a) personal space to be respected b) make them feel that their own personal space is affected. With women they don’t feel bothered by us at all and will actively push and intimidate us to give up space to them.
The chivalry thing is just if a) a man feels like doing it b) generally for somebody they feel bad for, perceive as weak, or are attracted to c) often they want something for it too. Not ALL men, and some people are genuinely nice, but I’m talking about the whole argument that women have it easier because of chivalry. Most men don’t do this on a regular basis. They’re going about their lives and they want it to be as easy and comfortable on them as possible and they have no problem with shoving past us to get to a seat, or sitting in a way that makes us uncomfortable and give them more room. If they FEEL like it, then they might be nice, and then they’ll pat themselves on the back about what a gentleman they are, but using your privilege to give a little charity doesn’t make you any less privileged.
So yeah, that dude was definitely not making a harmless joke. He’s playing into some really screwed up dynamics in our society and he’s trying to frame it as if it’s this groundbreaking thing for him to physically intimidate women, when it’s pretty much the norm we live with daily, he’s just adding an extra threat to it.
One thing I’ve noticed with men discussing chivalry and such is that they frame it as them magnanimously granting privileges to us. Like wow, he offered a woman one out of the three seats he’s occupying. How gracious.
This framing ignores the fact that men take up more space than they have any right to in the first place, and presents their three seats as the baseline normal, from which they can be generous and give up one or two, instead of admitting the status quo is deeply unfair to women to begin with, and admitting their privilege and the role they play in marginalizing women on a daily basis. It isn’t generous to give back something you have stolen from someone, while pretending it was yours all along.
The ‘equalist’ notion also depends on the idea that women have nothing to fear from being in close physical proximity to men, that there’s no disparity in the use of force and violence (including sexual violence) between genders. There is a reason women shrink away when men get close to them.
This ^ too. First, if you take up space that doesn’t belong to you and then “give” it back to people, that’s not being chivalrous or generous, it shows entitlement that you feel like things are yours in the first place. And it is really important to take into account societal context, experiences, and inequalities when judging these things. We don’t live in a just world, these aren’t just individual incidences, and women have good reasons and experiences to fear their physical space being invaded by men. It’s like all the cis people who were telling me not to fear interactions with cis people. They don’t live my life where I know if a cis person decides to misgender me, hurt me, deny me services, society will be on their side, and they feel entitled to push back at me even harder if I stand up for myself. If regular interactions are always tinged with the threat of violence or harm, it changes the options you have to live your life, to feel comfortable, and to take space.
ACCIDENTALLY GROWS REALLY ATTACHED TO A STORY I’LL NEVER WRITE
maybe ill work on a new dumb painting….
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